Osasogie Omogui: Daddy Issues

 The father-daughter bond is a feeling I don’t understand and can’t relate to. I feel weird when I hear girls explain the bond between them and their fathers.  Some girls seem to be closer to their fathers than their mothers thereby being termed ‘Daddy’s Girl(s)’. I can’t relate to any level of father-daughter relationship with my father. For your father to be your first love or superhero? I have come to understand that goes beyond settling bills and providing for the family. For some of us with distant fathers or without fathers at all, the society terms our situation as one with ‘Daddy Issues’. More frequently I’ve heard, ‘She’s like that because she has daddy issues.

What exactly is having Daddy Issues? Our understanding of “daddy issues” has been defined and controlled by what men think are women’s failings. But it’s the ways in which men have failed that have made things this way. It’s on women now to define and understand our suffering, so here’s a try.
Daddy issues: the issue of men finding it easy to throw away the responsibility of fatherhood, the issue of all of us excusing them. We locate the problem of abandonment in the abandoned.

The narrative I’d been told my whole life is that because one has been neglected and mistreated by a father, she would suffer forever from daddy issues. This is actually a complete lie. The person who suffered from daddy issues wasn’t me. I have friendships, goals, a career, a full heart,  eager to give, can be trusting.

At some point in your life, you may have heard the term “daddy issues” used in a certain context. Most people in our society today use it to describe a woman who tends toward promiscuity.

Is it true? Maybe. Is it the only explanation? No. That’s because promiscuity is not directly linked to daddy issues.

There are a lot of reasons a woman might choose to have multiple sex partners or be indiscriminate about the partners she chooses, but it’s not necessarily related to having issues with her father.

Our relationships with our parents are fundamental, for better or worse. They’re bound to inform all our romantic relationships. It sounds like you’re recognizing some unhealthy behaviours — and recognizing how they’re affecting your relationships. You’re already growing more self-aware about your impulses and triggers. That’s all great. But now you’ve got more work to do.

It sounds like you’re ready for therapy. An ongoing, guided conversation with a professional could help you unpack these feelings so your past isn’t always interfering with your present. A fresh perspective might help. If therapy isn’t right for you, make sure you have good friends (or family) who can hear you out. In general, deep-seated issues aren’t cured with quick fixes.

But here are a couple general pieces of advice from my own life:

Be upfront with your partners when your daddy issues crop up. It’s always better to explain an outburst than leaving it a mystery. Odds are, your partner will get it. We all have daddy issues. And mommy issues too. Everyone’s issues are just different, depending on how, as Larkin writes, those mums and dads might have messed you up. If you talk honestly about who you are and where you come from, it might help you to learn more about yourself and connect with your partner. And if you tell your partner why certain things upset you, he or she will understand why they should avoid them.

When you’re fearing abandonment, don’t just think about your father. Remember those people who haven’t abandoned you too: the friends and family who stick by you, even when he doesn’t. You know, on some level, that every guy isn’t your dad — but sometimes, it’s easier to remember that when you can point to some counterexamples.

Be patient. It’s heartening to hear that you’re reckoning with your daddy issues, but they’re not going away. Parental issues stretch back to the womb, by definition. It’s how we’re hard-wired and, for most of us, that messy wiring can take a lifetime to untangle.

None of this is particularly surprising, even as I thought about my own understanding of daddy issues. The term “daddy issues” has been deep-rooted as to become commonplace, almost forgotten—one of those colloquialisms that no longer seems significant or relevant.

By the simple principle of the fact that my dad could not handle being a dad, he was the one who had daddy issues, not me. I just happened to be raised in his crossfire.

Let me back up a bit. I’ve been thinking a lot about daddy issues because, well, like lots of women, I was wondering if I had them. I was roped in by this patriarchal narrative, so subtle it haunted me like a ghost. It’s incredible the paranoia that women live with every day—Do I act this way? Am I crazy? What is crazy anyway? Who is responsible for the way I am? Is the way I am right or wrong? Should I be this way or that? Did I do the right “womanly” thing today? Was the “womanly” thing the way the men wanted me to act or the way the women wanted me to act? Was I true to myself and was that enough? Who am I at all?

Am I a good woman? Do I have daddy issues? Turn that around, and then we can talk.

Red Bottoms, Superficial Stuff & Marriage – A Twitter User’s Perspective

according to this Twitter user @drboycewatkins, a woman who asks “what are red bottoms?” is the one his followers should marry.

Here’s what he said and the replies that followed:

My Transformation took me TWO MONTHS only(Ladies check This)

                                                 Hello, guys! Everybody has noticed that I have lost a lot of weight and started bombarding me with questions. I was trying my best to write an answer to everyone and support all of you, but failed - with so many messages to respond to I would have to live online. So, I decided to write this post to answer to the question: (That doesn’t mean you can't write to me or ask something, it just makes my life easier).

My transformation took me TWO MONTHS only! AMAZING RESULT, RIGHT?

I’ve never been skinny but I noticed that I kept gaining more and more weight. Three terrible creases appeared on my belly, I looked like a bulldog in bikini, and my hips, legs and butt were getting bigger and bigger! I decided to get a fit and healthy body by all means, so I stopped eating greasy and fried food and gave up hearty late meals. I went for the morning run and evening training sessions in the gym but instead of losing weight, I continued gaining more and more! After a month, my weight reached the terrifying mark – ALMOST 100KG! I kept making my diet stricter and stricter, excluding meat, bread, fries, and sweets. I ended up eating fruits and vegetables and drinking nothing but water. I tried some terribly expensive weight loss teas and patches but nothing seemed to work for me. After a while, the lost weight would come back to my exhausted body.

Neither diets nor exercises help, they are just a rip-off! 
Working out is too hard and takes too long to see any progress. So what should I do?

After trying different useless methods of losing weight, spending hours in the gym and thousands of money paid to the personal instructor I gave up completely. One day I ran into an article about the Green Coffee and decided to try it. Although I heard Demi Moore, Katy Perry, J-Lo and many other celebs were losing weight with this dietary supplement I was skeptical. But having tried everything and getting desperate I had no choice! Besides, I checked the reviews and they were impressive indeed!

Millions of women in Europe and US got rid of their extra pounds thanks to this product. According to the research, 96.7% lost 12-17 kg in three weeks!

So, it was settled! I went on , double-checked everything and ordered the coffee. It came within a couple of weeks. I read the instructions and started taking 2 cups daily, before my breakfast and before light supper.

Results

After only two weeks, my results were stunning – I lost 6 kg! The puffiness was gone and my complexion got much better! The hips and belly became notably smaller - and my mood became better! I started to believe I could become beautiful again without any dieting or exercising! So, I continued eating everything I wanted! I was too sick and tired of starving and working out...

By the end of the third week, I lost another 12 kg! I became more fit and that inspired me to climb the stairs instead of using elevator every time. What seemed to be a tough workout became an easy pleasure for me! I couldn't believe it happened just because I was following those simple instructions on the coffee package! If I could do it - everyone can! Only two months passed and my 31kg were gone!

I archived my goal weight within 60 days. My belly was gone, I lost 31 kg and got the body I had never dared to dream about!

Folorunso Alakija launches “Flourish Africa” as a Global Community for Women Empowerment

This morning, the Vice Chairman of Famfa Oil Ltd., currently one of the largest indigenous Nigerian owned exporters of crude oil, Folorunso Alakija, officially launched “Flourish Africa”, a non-profit organization aimed at creating a global community that encourages and helps women to thrive in all aspects of their lives.

Her latest initiative is designed to create a platform for both female millennials, and adults alike, to have access to information that will help them grow in the areas of career, living, love and relationships and inspirational messages from leading change makers.

“Flourish Africa” is an idea that was conceived to create a community of like-minded women, who share their individual experiences and encourage each other to be who God has created them to be. It is a platform designed for women by women to empower both the young and the old to flourish.

The online platform, the first phase of a series of initiatives under the “Flourish Africa” umbrella, is designed to help women in all aspects of their lives.

Folorunso Alakija who is also the founder of the Rose of Sharon Foundation (an NGO with its focus on helping widows and orphans), has been an advocate of empowering women for many years; her philanthropic work has improved the lives of thousands of women and orphans in Nigeria.

While “Flourish Africa” is aimed primarily at women, she points out that its message can relate to both genders stating:

I believe both men and women can benefit from the ethos of the “Flourish Africa” platform. I know that given the opportunity, women have the power to change the course of any nation and together, we can break down the stereotypes that hold us all back, make our communities much stronger and greater. Together we can create the world where every woman understands their true value and have the tools at their disposal to follow their dreams.

“Flourish Africa” is a worldwide movement, but it is ultimately rooted in the local realm. The organization wants to begin by empowering women in Nigeria through several initiatives that will run throughout the year to enrich the lives of women both locally and internationally. Per Alakija, there is a need for more spaces in the online community where women can engage in intellectual discourse and uplift, empower, and inspire each other no matter what age.

The “Flourish Africa” concept stems from Alakija’s assertion that:

Many women have the potential to be great. If we form a community of like-minded individuals who share a common goal and purpose, we can pull together, make an impact in every community we find ourselves and ultimately, flourish.

8 Reasons Why Short Girls make The Best Girlfriends

What would the world be without shorts girls? What would classic beauty look like…and would true love even exist? Perhaps I’m getting a little carry away with the rhetorical questions, but truth be told…short girls make the world a better place.

Not only are they adorable, it is astounding how so much endowment, wit, intelligence and love fits in a package so exquisitely tiny. And while they have many disadvantages like not being able to reach the top shelf every time they want something from it, and generally being dependent on others for certain thing, they are a treat to date. They make the most perfect and amazing girlfriends. Below are 8 reasons why you should date a short girl:

Short girls are adorable
Short girls, especially when petite, are super adorable. Everything they do is so cute: When she laughs, and she looks like a little cute child laughing; when she is yelling at you with hips on her hand, but all you see is a little teddy bear trying to stay animated and you just want to pick her up and play with her; When she hits your chest becuase she is mad, but it feels like a tickle because her hand is so small and soft; when she takes a few cocktails and starts misbehaving y because her tiny body can’t really take much alcohol and she is high but she is still cute as hell…the list goes on and on. Basically, what she lacks in height, she makes up for in personality and that makes it hard to not just love her.

Short girls are quite feminine
Not to shade tall girls or anything, but short girls tend to be more proportionate physically and are actually more feminine. Studies have shown that Short women’s increased have more estrogen in their bodies which not only makes them look more feminine, it makes them more sensitive, nurturing, and interested in children and family. Basically, they are naturally wife materials.

Short girls will stick with you forever
Ever wondered why most of the most romantic love stories and classics always feature a short woman? When a short girl gets with you, they have a tendency to stick with you forever…and in a good way. They have so much love to give, they do not necessarily need a great reason to love you because they see past your fears and inadequacies…probably because they know that you love them no matter how short they are.

Having sex with short girls is more enjoyable
Yes. It is what it is. Any honest and experienced man who has been with a short girl will let you know that he found it more pleasurable having sex with women who are short. This is mostly because they weigh less and that create room for so many possibilities and experimenting when it comes to sex positions. You can toss them in the air, spin them around, and hold them holding you upside-down by the ankles without necessarily hurting your back. You can be much more adventurous with your sex life with a short girlfriend.

Short girls don’t age!
Is she 15, is she 21 or is she 18? You just cannot really say until they tell you. They do not age like every other person does, because their skin doesn’t crumble easily – there is a lesser surface area to cover. They look so much younger than people their age, and they age very gracefully as well… that makes them irresistible. What man does not want a woman who will keep looking young, hot and sexy on his arm?

Hugging, kissing and cuddling is awesome
Believe it or not, hugging, kissing and cuddling is better with a short girl. It feels so much nicer. There is the melting effect when you rest your chin on her head while you hug her and she listens to your heart beat for her. It is the cutest thing.

Also, the way she has to stand up on her toes to kiss you, like in the movies…it is an incredibly egoistic and romantic moment at the same time. With cuddling as well, you can wrap her up in one arm and still have one free to eat your chicken wings or something. With her, it really is a win-win.

You feel incredibly manly around her
She will need you help for a lot of things that her hands can’t reach or her body weight cannot support and that alone will make you feel helpful. You can easily carry her with ease to the bed should she fall asleep on the couch and that should make you feel like prince charming carrying sleeping beauty. And when you are out for dinner and she decided to wear heels, you will not feel threatened by the possibility of her looking taller than you. Basically, there will be very little occasions for to make you feel emasculated rather she will be a boost to your ego as a man.

You won’t have to spend a lot of money on her
Short girls are rarely high maintenance. You will not face the problem of being broke from spending too much on them. They don’t need much food to keep their body going and even at that, they are usually always too conscious of what they eat so they don’t get fat. Getting clothes for them can be as easy as picking something from the children’s section as well. Basically, you save a lot on dates and shopping.

Nigeria ranks 3rd Globally in Cybercrime, behind UK & U.S. – NCC

The Nigerian Communications Commission (NCC) says the country currently ranks third globally in cybercrime, behind the UK and the U.S.

NCC’s Chief Executive Officer, Professor Umar Danbatta, disclosed this on Tuesday at the ongoing 2017 Annual General Conference of the Nigerian Bar Association (NBA) in Lagos.

The theme of the conference was: “African Business: Penetrating through Institution Building”.

Danbatta, at a breakout session with the sub-theme: “The Business of Cyber Law, Internet Policy and Privacy Rights” moderated by Augustine Alegeh (SAN) a former NBA President, said the number of internet users in Nigeria has hit 91.6 million.

“About N127 billion was the estimated loss to cybercrime in Nigeria in 2015; Nigeria ranks third in global internet crimes behind the UK and U.S.

“A critical factor militating against Africa’s economic resurgence is the weakness of its institutions.

“Nigeria ranks 169 out of 199 on the World Bank’s ease of doing business rankings; we are in a middle of a revolution and the rise of what we call the networked society.

“The NCC stipulates the laws of engagement that will make the cyberspace safe and ensure the confidence as well as the safety of the cyberspace,” Danbatta, a panelist, said.

“There are benefits and risks of the use of cyberspace and both has to be properly managed.”